Saturday, 30 April 2022

Fickle Mental Health

It's a really weird thing to feel absolutely fantastic 90% of the time and then just feel crushing despair and a desire for everything to end the other 10%

In this moment I'm feeling really low, it's hard to feel like any progress is happening, I feel really trapped in my circumstances.  And anyone who knows me knows I hate feeling trapped or forced into things.

Obviously a lot of this can change and will very soon, but it doesn't help me in the moment.  I'm exhausted almost always and surviving on Ritalin and Zopiclone to manage my sleep cycles, which isn't maintainable really.  And because I'm exhausted I'm feeling erratic, low, high, everything, nothing. 

I need a few days of just being hugged while sleeping, or the void to take me, or my entire life to change. 

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