I really hope that you have had a most amazing festive season, and that you haven't found yourself in the numerous highly strange situations that I have.
So lets go back, to just a little before Christmas time, I'm just a feisty lady living the best life I can manage, and have somehow found myself in love with one of my closest friends, the same friend I've loved for years.
It's just a crazy situation, and realistically can only end a few different ways, most of them not great.
But you know me... I am an optimist, Queen of the Longshot, and I like to believe that love is always worth having.
However, you also know that this is my blog... where things are never quite as simple as they should be.
Much as I really thought it might end up happening someday, and various pieces of evidence had hinted that I wasn't completely insane to think so, I finally had "the talk" about it with her.
And she told me that it couldn't ever happen for various reasons, it really hurt because she had decided all of these things without ever talking to me.
I am a flexible lady, I adapt to the situation always, if I knew there were requirements I probably could have met them you know?
But I hate the idea that I would need to convince anyone to date me, or talk them into it.
So as much as the no hurts... she is still one of the most precious people in my life, we talk about everything all the time, and I can't ever lose that.
So I let myself be sad for a few days, and now I need to start thinking about dating again.
I had basically been emotionally unavailable to anyone else for quite a long time just because I had that tiny shred of hope that someday her and I would find a way to make it work.
And that brings us to New Years, I volunteered at a music festival and set off with a positive attitude about meeting new people.
It was all fantastic bonding time with my good friends, really good discussions with a lot of new people, and of course some peculiar shenanigans along the way that I am not quite ready to write about.
But what honestly surprised me the most, was the tail end... the after party, the bonding over food with the other volunteers, and the fact that I actually found one of those boys...
The ones I have talked about on Facebook whenever people have asked me about my sexual preferences, that only existed theoretically up until this point.
The 0.0001% of boys I am attracted to.
He's just a gorgeous fun man to be around, and I found myself quite shocked to be so instantly smitten by him.
So we have spent a few days hanging out, and it has been really nice, I am just assuming at this point that we will be best friends forever.
If you are my friend on Facebook you have probably seen my post about Alterous Attraction, where you could either love someone, date someone, fuck someone, or be their best friend just as easily, and whichever one happens you'll be totally happy. That's basically where I am at with him.
And as if that wasn't enough, I installed Tinder just to see exactly how bad it would be in my town...
I matched with a girl, and we exchanged a few messages, but I really don't think my lifestyle and attitudes are going to match hers.
I am quite open about the kinds of silliness I get up to, and I don't think she would approve at all.
But it IS nice to get the validation of someone wanting to talk to you, that you are theoretically considered a viable romantic interest. And that made me feel pretty happy actually.
Where does that leave me.... honestly I have no clue, and I don't even care.
I'll just keep being me, and hopefully at some point somebody will just see me and think "That peculiar lady is fucking gorgeous and I want her"
If that person is you, be incredibly direct and just tell me, because apparently I can't read intentions.
So for now, that's it... its time to start getting organised for my study this year, to take my life a little more seriously, and basically switch into productive mode for awhile again.
My holidays have been crazy, but my year needs to be much more calm.
Love you all,
Abigail
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