What Next?

So it has been quite awhile since my last post, and I figured some of you may be curious what is actually happening given the grim tone of the last few.

My next court date is in Auckland on Friday morning, at this court date I expect to be entering a guilty plea to the charges I am facing, and from that point forward we move into the sentencing phase.  This basically means that my current living situation, my remorse, my willingness to be rehabilitated etc will all be taken into account and eventually a final sentence will be issued.

At this stage the indicated sentence is 2.5-3 years, I get some discount for pleading guilty, and for expressing remorse etc.  And the goal right now is to hopefully present enough of a case that I can be given home detention which means an ankle monitor and regular checks from a probation officer.

If for whatever reason that doesn't go my way, I could be sentenced to prison where assuming I behave myself I would serve 1/3rd of the sentence so at the most it would be a year.

Not that I want to focus on the negative, so if that happens, I will basically request to be kept in basically voluntary solitary confinement with access to writing materials and I will spend that year writing my life story.  Since there are very few chances to be completely distraction free and commited to something like that.

Obviously I would much rather have home detention where I can stay at home with my Mum safely able to be a transgender woman and not constantly worrying about all the men around me who are probably a lot more violent than I am.  I have always been a bleeder not a fighter, and its not about to change.

One of the harder things in all of this of course is that I actually have to attend court in Auckland, so I am using the very last of my savings to get myself there this Friday, but I am going to have to perform some miracles to afford the second trip toward the middle of October.

Needless to say this is a period of a lot of crying and panic attacks, so I am going to try and schedule a time with my doctor in the next few weeks to hopefully do something about that.  I know everyone says to practice mindfulness and meditate (usually I'm all for the hippy nonsense) but in some situations its just not enough.  I want to be medicated heavily for this.

I don't know who will even read this, since I probably won't share it directly to Facebook, but if you did please feel free to send me words of encouragement hehe

Lots of love,
Abigail