One of the stranger things about being on hormones is the dreaming, if you have ever quit smoking you probably know the type of dream at least, intensely vivid and hyper real.
The past few weeks I have been somewhat depressed due to all of this legal stuff going on, but I find myself really drawn to my dreaming time. I am staying asleep longer to cram more of them in, because even though some of them are a little scary they feel super real, and in my dreams I am still free to do anything at all.
In fact quite a few of them have involved debauchery at music festivals, or rampant drug use while racing around the Italian countryside in fast cars.... they're exciting, so I tend to want to see how they end.
The other strange development is that more often in my dreams I am so thoroughly feminine, it has been really nice to exist in a perfect scenario where I am just me, and don't have to think about all the icky real world things that need to happen to be myself.
Aside from the dreams, I have been slowly lightening my hair and next week I will be going to hopefully end up fully blonde, I have been lazer zapping myself to slowly remove body hair but god its such a horrible long process. And I have yet to even start on voice training really, and that sucks because between my voice and my body hair they're the two things giving me the most dysphoria.
My legal woes look to be resolved soon, basically as soon as I get back from the Dunedin Winter Solstice party I will enter my guilty plea, and then we move on to sentencing which I am still quietly praying will be home detention... but I don't know, it could just as easily end up as 3 years in prison.
And because of all of that, and the fact that I won't have an income while I am serving whatever sentence I am given, I will also be starting a No Asset Procedure which is like one step removed from a full bankruptcy. So just another way my life will be forever a bit harder.
Anyway, I guess thats all the updates I have... much as its mostly pretty grim, I am okay, I am going to be okay.
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