Yearly Reflection

Most years on or around my birthday I get all self reflective and try to come up with some kind of lesson for myself.  But this year has been so bleak.

I've been heartbroken at least three times, I've been lonelier than I have ever been even though I'm surrounded by people who love me, my health is all over the place, and I have no fucking clue what to do from here. 

If I were to move to Sydney which is at least kind of an option, what would I do for work given my health issues, where would I live, would it even be less transphobic feeling?

And if i stay where I am, can I even actually survive knowing I'll never be loved the way I need to be?

I'm fucking depressed, and I actually don't even want to brightside this shit today.