Anti-Numb Emotional Rebound

Whenever I need to deal with anything emotionally hard I have a tendency to get kinda clinical, like if I just focus on all the things I need to do to establish my emotional safety then I can avoid actually feeling whats hurting me.

I busy myself with the administration of it all, and then comes the crash.  The numb automatic mode runs out, and I kinda disintegrate. 

Today was the first day I've actually stopped and felt how hard it is to not have that person I share everything with, and realize it's going to be awhile before I have someone like that again.  It's not about second guessing my decision, it's more like finally actually mourning that loss. I definitely miss her. 

So what do I do during the emotional rebound, well I cleaned my room, did my laundry, made my bed, put on a face mask and a candle, and cried.

Basically again I kept my brain busy as long as I could on other tasks... And then I ran out of things to do.

I doubt this is helpful to anyone else, but I kinda wanted to document the thoughts, and the responses, maybe it'll help me next time I break my own heart.  Because let's face it, I'll never stop feeling this much, loving this hard, and probably getting hurt more.

Anyway, here's to the people we loved and lost, the people we've yet to love, and to the lonely broken hearts. 

Love,

Abigail