Since last time, I finally saw a for real cardiologist, and wouldn't you know it, an actual expert knew a few things and had a few ideas to help me. So now I'm on an anti arrythmic, and my heart rate has been stable for months now. And with it my energy has come back a little bit, not enough to be scampering about like I used to. But enough that I can drag myself out of the house and socialise now and again.
And to fix some of the repressing of myself I've been making an active effort to be a little bit extra on the weekends.
As usual my relationships are chaotic nonsense.... Feeling confusingly into one of my friends as I almost always am, but at least not one who lives down here, just a beautiful kindred spirit I adore.
I'm not even sure how to not end up crushing on the people I bond with honestly, it's like if there's a closeness and ease of conversation with someone, and a smidge of physical attraction that's really all it takes.
And I'm sure it's not always very healthy, but I also don't know that I'd want it to stop.
Not sure how things will end up, on any regard really, but figured I'd at least show some kind of sign of life.
Love,
Abigail
