Creativity While Banned

 So I received a Facebook ban for a few days, those who know me are probably a little shocked I'd never actually had one before.  But here we are, and because I can't post anything I am feeling pent up already hehe.

So I want to talk about creativity a little bit, because it can be such a mercurial thing for some of us, for me right now its the struggle of wanting to write anything while I am already expected to write so much for academic purposes and the eternal struggle of ADHD just not letting me.

But looking back on all the writing I have done is really interesting, I review my own previous writing once in awhile just to see how far I've come, what I used to do better than I do now, what I have managed to improve etc, and of course how much I have changed as a human since then.

A lot of my old fiction writing would fit roughly in the "transgressive fiction" category, lots of aggression, anti-social stuff, kinks, fetishes, drugs, violence, misogyny at points (ewww)
And I review it and just think who the hell even was I back then, but then some of it is awfully nicely written trash too, so I don't want to discount it entirely.

For myself the creativity happens when I have an overwhelming feeling I need to express, or if somebody asks me to write them something for a specific theme or purpose, or an idea I just can't shake.
And where it all falls apart is when I get too involved and can't just stop when it's good, I have to keep working on things until I hate them, and they might not ever even get seen by anybody by that point.

I love sharing, this blog has been an absolute life saver at times because its sharing without forcing it down people's throats.  The few regular readers I have will see all of it, but most people only see glimpses when I share an individual post.  It's like screaming into the void, if the void were recording everything.
But it does give me that outlet for creativity in sometimes quite concise chunks, there isn't the pressure to complete anything, there isn't the pressure of an audience I am trying to cater to.

But how do we spark creativity when we really don't feel it, when life's just a little too flat to want to explore our imaginations or express ourselves.  The answer is to engage with other people, they inspire us, they give us new ideas to get excited about, and they give us a reason.

At the last party I went to I met an exceptional human, and since then we share ideas and talk about all kinds of things that I haven't in ages, I think I have inspired her and she definitely inspires me.  And that's so refreshing.  And if you read this, I adore you lady, in the gayest possible terms, I think you're super neat... pro homo.  

So if you're stuck in a creative blackhole, my advice is to have heartfelt chats with somebody, be vulnerable, be honest, trust someone other than yourself for a second.  And pick up the laptop, pen, brush, needle and thread, popsicle sticks and PVA... whatever it is you do to unleash your imagination.

In other creative news, I also ordered some paint by numbers kits, because I found playing paint by numbers games on my phone SUPER relaxing.  So I want to try in the real world, hopefully its soothing x 100000.

Lots of love,
Abigail

Future Me

 So course is still going well, I am on placement with the Salvation Army in their Reintegration Service which is essentially helping clients who are leaving prison after a sentence of more than two years to find their feet in society again.  This mostly means finding jobs, housing, setting up accounts etc

It is a really interesting placement to get really, and lets me use some of my personal experience, so I am actually quite lucky in that regard.

So assuming I get all of my hours done and pass the last few assessments the game plan is to graduate mid-December, and then I will be moving back to Dunedin to continue my studies, three more years of this stress just so that I can be a registered counsellor.

But it does mean I'll get to see all of my Dunedin people who I absolutely adore, and I will hopefully be moving in to an amazing house with some people I have already lived with before so that will actually be fantastic.

Everything feels like it could actually work out, which is awesome and gives me that bright shiny glow of optimism that I feel like I have been missing a little bit this year.

I'm still more tired than I would like, some days its really hard to get up, or focus on the things I need to.

So I am hoping I can do something about that soon too, because I'd be unstoppable if I could get that under control.

I keep meeting amazing people, and sharing amazing moments, and it actually sucks that I won't be seeing some of these people so much for a few years.

So if you're reading this, I love you, and I won't ever forget you hehe

Love.
Abigail