I haven't written anything here for a long time since I have been so busy moving islands, starting my university classes, and trying to pull together some semblance of a financial plan.
For that I am hardly sorry at all, but we are about to have one of those milestones together, so I thought I should get some of my thoughts on paper.
Next Tuesday I will be speaking with a therapist about starting Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT), so for those that don't really know how that works, the process is basically a discussion with a therapist about whether or not HRT is right for you. In the past this was a process that involved a lot of "gatekeeping" (people assuming they know you better than you know yourself and preventing you from doing what you need to)
Luckily for me, I am doing this through the University's Student Health services, who apparently work on the basis of informed consent being enough, so for someone like me who has spent the past decade keeping up to date with things shouldn't be too big of a challenge.
So what happens? Usually speaking you will then need to go and see an Endocrinologist to determine your baseline hormone levels, and then with a combination of testosterone blockers and estrogen they will gradually shift that baseline to be more in line with a cisgender female.
Typically speaking the results of that will be fat redistribution to the butt/boobs/hips/face, an awful lot of mood swings because you are essentially going through puberty all over again, thinning of body hair, and I may end up with acne for the first time in my life properly (I somehow dodged most of that growing up)
And after a year or so of that, I will start looking at next steps like breast augmentation and facial feminisation surgery.
The other major thing I will be starting pretty soon is voice training with an awesome local lady who works with a friend of a friend, so I need to get myself ready for that. The totally awesome thing about that is she also does singing coaching which I want to get involved in as well, because its one of my secret loves. I was in the choir when I was very young, and I loved it, I just hated the teachers involved.
So all of these fantastic things are going to be happening, and then we step onto the big metaphorical tight rope right.... if I am going to sound like a girl, and have my teeny HRT boobs going on... there's going to come a point where presenting feminine is going to have to happen.
And I really want everything to line up nicely before I do that if possible, like rather than just diving into everything at once and suffering maximum "man in a dress" remarks, I'd like to ease into things a little... wear a smidge of eye makeup on the regular, dress a little more androgynous, let things develop, get a halfway acceptable voice going on.... then bust out the cutie Audrey Hepburn dresses I'm destined for once that's going to work.
Nothing ever works out as simply as that, and I expect hurdles, setbacks and oh god disparaging glances... but I knew all of that a year ago when I told everyone this was the plan. But now its all happening, so its time to put on my badass warrior girl pants and handle it.
Anyway I will update when I can.... there will be some combination of tears, exuberance and shame probably in the next several posts haha.
Love you all,
Abby
Educational Resources:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transgender_hormone_therapy_(male-to-female)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Voice_therapy_(transgender)
